Complaining About Temperate Zone Weather Patterns

As I sit completely still, yet drenched in sweat before noon due to over 90 degree temps, I'm pleased to report I have actually been doing things since I last posted.

FINISHED COMMISSIONED STUFFIE: DONE AND DONE

My friend Michelle commissioned a Mozart stuffie for her friend! I'm really pleased with how he came out, despite a brief period of wig-worry.

Honestly, though, over 55 degrees out, and I really feel there is no reason for me to exist. I don't dress accordingly to weather. Nature will not win against my iron reserve to always be wearing a sweater.

brief programming note

It may be a drop in the bucket for everyone else, but, after double checking that it wasn't just me repeatedly checking after attempting to get my instagram synced,  I'm excited to note that this blog has recieved 600 views! I barely expected to get any, so I just wanted to say thanks to anyone who reads this!

I may have some good news on the horizon, and will be posting some stuff in the next few days.

Newest Favorite Insanely Quotable Movie Find Via Youtube: The Trip (2010)

"I'm with a short Welshman who does impressions, it's not fun"

From the Youtube Playlist I stumbled on via looking for Peter Sellers' impression of Michael Caine, what I gathered about this film was that it was just Steve Coogan and Rob Brydon eating food and doing competitive impressions. This covers all of my interest in one fell swoop, so I went on the search for the full movie.  Netflix finally delivers, because they have it available on streaming, unlike basically every other movie I have ever wanted to watch in the history of online movie viewing. 

Coogan invites Brydon on a foodie trip across Northern England after his girlfriend returns to America and no one else will answer his calls. As they embark on an awkward restaurant tour,  Steve struggles with everything from personal relationships to lost cell phone signals, Rob continually degrades Steve's career with a nonstop stream of Richard Burton impressions. Coogan gives back as good as he gets ("You can't go through life like a Radio 4 panel show") and at times beats Brydon at his own impression game.

Fingers on Buzzers (Weekly Favorites)

On the bus today, I sat behind two teenage girls who were arguing over who loved the British more- one only drank tea, while the other always spelled color with a "u". It seems every generation gloms onto Anglophilia in one way or another, which I get; especially now with the Olympics, recent Queen goings-on and One Direction flooding across the Atlantic in the past few years. I just think it's funny that  people latch onto the tea/favo"u"rite/mind-the-gap factions of the UK, especially 13-16 year olds on endless-scroll based social media. I've seen knock-down drag-out fights on the internet over the correct way to boil water for tea that are ultimately brought to an end with a UK citizen having to tell everyone it doesn't matter (Or, to fuck off).  There is really nothing I find more hilarious than Americans bickering over how much more English they are over their opponent.

While I struggled to not be conspicuous in my combined eavesdropping/laughing at what was basically a large faction  Tumblr come to life in front of me on the bus, I have to admit that if I had actually spoken to anyone when I was a teenager, I probably would have engaged in the same conversation.   Starting in the fourth grade when a friend introduced me to the Beatles, and followed quickly by my parents letting me watch (then strongly warning that I was NEVER to repeat anything I saw) Monty Python in fifth grade, I was swept into my own Anglomania that, though waxing and waning, has not ceased. I don't drink tea often, and I don't pretend to have an accent (which I have witnessed in real life and just thinking about it send my secondhand embarrassment into extreme overdrive), and I don't date things with the day before the month, but  I am no better than those two on the bus.  I like select bits and pieces of their culture without understanding their political structure at all. Well, I mean, I did religiously watch Prime Minister's Questions on C-SPAN during the Blair administration and had a shirt that read "CHARLES KENNEDY IS MY RIGHT HONOURABLE FRIEND" in 9th grade, so... there's that.

Along with music, comedy is one of the main things that divides people when it comes to  on which side of the pond their allegiances lie. It always bums me out when people bitch over which is better- British or American comedy. "British comedy is so pretentious!" "American comedy is for idiots!" (A quick google search just proved my point as the first things when you type in '"American comedy" and "British comedy" is' that pop up are "American comedy is rubbish" and "British comedy is better than american")
I used to agree with this when I was a shithead teenager, but as I've aged (i.e. logged in more hours on youtube) I've come to the belief that humor is transatlantic- there is bad British comedy and there is genius American comedy. One of the main things that the UK beats us Americans out in 2:1 is panel based quiz shows.  I strongly believe that this is something Americans can never successfully do, and should never try. Here is a brief list of my favorites:

QI (Quite Interesting)

Actor/Writer/Comedian/Fact-Enthusiast Stephen Fry leads a panel of five guests and permanent team captain Alan Davies in search of information and facts that may be opposite common knowledge. Points are earned for answers that are unusual or  quite interesting (see what they did there). There've been a couple episodes where the audience walks away with the most points.
Favorite episode: Joints and Food (and the one with Brian Blessed)
Dream panel: David Mitchell, Rob Brydon, Sandi Toksvig, Phill Jupitus

Never Mind the Buzzcocks

Originally presented by Mark Lamarr, then Simon Amstell, now a new host weekly, Never Mind the Buzzcocks is a music based quiz featuring team captains Phill Jupitus and Noel Fielding. 

Favorite Episodes: S26E15-Richard Ayoade, S25E10-Cilla Black, S19E5-Simon Amstell

Dream Panel: Host- Richard Ayoade, Phill's team- Sarah Millican/ Martin Freeman, Noel's team- Paloma Faith, John Barrowman

The Big Fat Quiz of the Year

Annual quiz show airing in December wrapping up the year, it's also done '80s, '90s and '00s editions. Hosted by Jimmy Carr and his unbelievable laugh, three teams with increasingly hilarious/insane names (The Speccy Nerdy Fucknuts, The Goth Detectives, The Lisping Ninnies, Hot Shame, ect) compete to remember the events of the previous year.

Dream Panel: Noel Fielding/Richard Ayoade, David Mitchell/Sarah Millican, James Corden/Alan Carr

Eagle-eyed readers may notice the new "weekly favorites" header, or at least they damn well should, as it took me about forty-five minutes in photoshop to make due to the program shutting itself off not twice, but three times.

Crap I've Made: Embroidery edition

I was going through my pictures folder looking for the scans of my old family photos (which I'm  thinking may be on my oooooold computer that's missing most of it's keys), when I stumbled upon photos of some of my past embroidery projects.  What the hell, I thought,  I'll post them here. Strap in, this is a long post. I've included original sources where applicable blah blah blah

Plague Doctor

Smokey Say
Forest Service coloring page

Aww Yuss
 based off the cover of Hark A Vagrant by Kate Beaton

Flapper
Sublime Stitching 

I'm on a Boat
 Lonely Island Lyrics combined with vintage sailor pattern

Nature, Goulet

Indeed
Feeling Stitchy Stitch-a-long

El Presidente
Billie Joe Armstrong with Llama

McQueen Hoof Shoes

City Correspondent Stefon

Jay-Z

Anderson Cooper
Based off a comic by R Kikou Johnson

NOT TO FORGET, STILL AVAILABLE ON ETSY:

HERE

how the hell is it the middle of june already

I've finally been able to watch the second and third series of Downton Abbey. Well, second and episodes 1-7 of series three. As I type, I'm waiting as the eighth episode buffers right before the slutty flapper cousin or whatever gets caught in the club. Goddamn it!!

Since I am a regular user of the internet, I already knew/know the spoilers for the two seasons, but whatever. I'm solidly here for Dame Maggie Smith and the hats.

I started a new stuffie today, the first time I've worked on them in almost two weeks. With the back and forth between the last place I nearly interviewed with (they called to schedule an interview for a day I was working, so they said they'd call back to schedule something the following Monday- I never heard from them), and the stress of my... interesting living situation, I haven't been feeling it lately. I'm running terribly low on felt, which is limiting my options and ideas, so once payday rolls around I'll pick some more up and hope that I can get back into the swing of things. Thank god my hobby's materials are only $0.33 a sheet!

Speaking of expensive hobbies, I'm still itching to get sewing again, specifically clothes. SPECIFICALLY specifically costumes, but one step at a time. I need disposable income and time for that to happen, and while I've got one, I certainly don't have the other.  I've got a Simplicity reproduction pattern I'm dying to make but no fabric. It's not that I have no fabric, I actually have a ton. But genius me used to just buy half a yard of the fabrics I liked, so now I'm saddled with two tubs of fabric  I can't make shit out of. What was I thinking?! Anyway, I've been following lots of awesome costuming blogs and pinterests, and I'm not sure if it's helping me live vicariously through them, or just making it worse.

Gwynnie Bee: Netflix for Clothes

A few weeks I became aware of and signed up for Gwynnie Bee, a service that is like Netflix for plus-sized clothing. Now, this isn't a fashion blog, but as a fat person, anything that is positive in the plus-sized clothing world is important to me. I grew up in a very small area that got it's first Target about seven years ago, and having been fat since I was in late elementary school, it was always an issue to find clothing. Luckily I was able to travel out of state to do clothes shopping for school, but not everyone can do that.  

Gwynnie Bee's motto is "Clothing without Commitment", because you fill your online "closet" and according to whichever plan you have, they send you a certain number of items via mail, you wear them, then mail them back! It's a great way to try out new styles without actually having to purchase them.

Coming from my background, what is most exciting for me is that it is a whole new opportunity for plus sized folks who live in the middle of batshit nowhere, but don't have access to it. This is revolutionary!

It's a bit pricey, but they offer a free trial period for one month. I signed up and received my first item yesterday. I was a bit weary on their sizing, so I ended up ordering a size too big, but whatever it's free and I will just send it back anyway. That's the whole deal!

Everyone who reads this knows I'm not exactly rolling in the Oprah scratch, but once I find that ellusive second job, I'll definitely be signing up for the paid service.  The program is one of the smartest ideas I've heard in a long time and I'm so excited that it's just for plus sizes. We are neglected more often than not, so it's exciting when a great idea comes to fruition for us.

Like I said earlier, this isn't a fashion blog by any stretch of the imagination, mainly because I usually end up wearing the same three things everyday, and I'm stuck with dungeon lighting and an iphone, but since the post is about a clothing company thing, I figured I'd throw in a bleached out, shit quality picture. I accidentally cut the top of my head off, so enjoy my lower face region.

(Polka Dot Sailor Top- Gwynnie Bee)

Now before you go, hey wait this looks photoshopped as hell, you're right- my lighting was terrible, and the cat was doing something... odd in the background so I just made the couch cover him up and did a shit job matching the floor. But I really wanted to post a picture- that's how excited for the program I am.

Anyway, I think photoshopping outfit pictures is jacked, so I went ahead and in the spirit of abusing photoshop,  took the liberty of shooping myself into a few other situations, featuring the top half of my head.

ABOARD THE SPACE SHUTTLE

IN THE GYM ON THE TITANIC

ABOUT TO BE ESCORTED OUT BY GARY COOPER'S SECURITY DETAIL

Antique Alley Monthly Flea!

On Sunday, I went with my vintage friend to a monthly flea market held on the upper level of Antique Alley in SE Portland. It's one of my favorite antique stores (located next door to my favorite vintage furniture store I <3 Retro), but I've never been to the flea market. It only had a few tables occupied, but I got to meet some  super fun old ladies and ended up with these pajama patterns for only 30 cents!

She also had some great Advance brand patterns from the 40s, but the envelopes were a little torn up, so I passed. But the best thing was, she generously threw in the awesome 60s stockings at the top of the post FOR FREE! I love the packaging so much! I tried doing a little research, but the bulk of the sites that came up were porn, so... yeah.

Weekly/Monthly/When I Remember Favorites: Etsy Edition, or How the Top Image Has Nothing to do With the Rest of the Post

(tumblr)

I've been very busy this past week- running around dropping off applications, going to a work thing where there were free cookies, combating the ants that have moved back into my room, but on the opposite side, awaiting a phone call from a prospective employer, having my roommate put in a work order, not tell me about it, then have the electrician contact me to make the appointment even though I have no idea what is going on, then have him show up early so I have to run around hiding my roommate's cats that she is not supposed to have, all while she decides she's not going to make an appearance and gets angry that I wake her up to tell her the electrician is at the house. Yeah. I'm living with an adult 12 year old.

That massive pain in the ass aside, yesterday I also went to a small flea market that was happening above one of my favorite antique marketplaces with my estate sale/thrifting/ history friend and met a bunch of awesome old ladies! I picked up a father's day present ahead of schedule, plus some super cheap vintage patterns and a very inexpensive hat. I stayed well within budget, yay me!!

Anyway, onto the main reason for this post.  Etsy is very strange, as it is a great resource to find  handmade stuff you'll never see anywhere else, but it's also full of junk- and not cool junk. I always seem to find something I want though, so here's a recent list of my favorites.

(MaidofClay)

Some Tardar Sauce for your cereal

(DesignAtelierArticle)

I want nearly everything in this shop, but especially this! Napoleon bicorn!!

(YOLOTIES)

Everything about this makes me want to punch myself in the face- the galaxy background, YOLOTIES, cat bolo ties...but I still want to buy it. Badly.

(luckyjackson)

Lucky Jackson is one of my favorite artists and I freaked out when I discovered she had an etsy selling her original work AND prints!  When I get rich again, I will definitely get at least one of her prints.

(cOnieco)

I love this guy!

Same Rejection Email, Different Day (tl;dr there's comedy jokestuffs at the bottom)

screencap via

Lately I've been having a whole lot of the title of this post in my life.

I understand that it is a very difficult time to be looking for a job, and that you should always keep a plucky attitude about life in general if you want good things to happen to you, but I can also understand why so many people give up.

When businesses won't offer you enough hours, let alone high enough pay, to survive, but demand that you have wide open availability, I don't understand how they are able to hire anyone. There is no way in hell anyone can make it working 16 hours a week, if they are lucky, on $8.90 an hour, yet business expect that you have no other obligations in your life but those to that company.  I know this has been repeated and repeated and repeated in the past, but it is a very bleak position that many, if not most, people are in these days.

Anyway, suffice to say, I've been having a difficult time maintaining a positive attitude in my life. I can't find a second job, literally at this point, to save my life, I'm living with a very difficult person who increases the dark atmosphere with their own negativity and am going to have to move in two months with no financial means to do so.

One of the most important things I've learned in my life is how essential humor is. In my family, we cope with everything, good or bad, with humor, and this is one of the most usable thing I've taken away from my upbringing.  Being able to laugh when the rest of your life has gone to shit, makes those terrible things a little easier to maneuver. I have relied on comedy (and humor in a broader sense) to get me through some tough times, even when it seems as though there is little to laugh about. I have a deep love and respect for comedy for being a uniter (not a divider, except in the case of Dean Cain), and in this snippet of nastiness I'm experiencing, it is important to remember to find humor in life.

That preachy longwindness aside, I recently discovered the webseries Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee. I vaguely remember reading about it last year, but never got around to watching it until today. I love comedians because so many of them are so complex (which can, in some circumstances, read: asshole), and it's a treat to see them interact with one another.

It is exactly what the title says it is: Jerry Seinfeld going round in various classic cars, picking up fellow comedians, then getting coffee (or Diet Coke in Colin Quinn's case). It is also hilarious.

The first episode I watched featured Carl Reiner and Mel Brooks, two of my absolute heroes and favorites, which lead me to the discovery of Henry Mancini's latin version of Springtime for Hitler (YES IT'S A REAL THING).  That alone brightened what was a shitty day.

Anyway, I'd recommend the series 10/10 would rewatch. It won't allow me to embed (hence the shitty screen caps) but you can find it here, on youtube.

And the Award for My Favorite Thing I've Ever Found on Etsy Goes to...

via TheNostalgiaMachine


I'm tempted to present this without comment, but instead I'll say who wants to lend me $1400?