meth freaks to trash geeks

Last night around midnight, I woke up to thrashing in the bushes under my window that sounded like human footsteps. Normally, the two bark-y dogs that live here overreact to any sound outside at all, but they were didn't seem to hear anything, so I went back to sleep. About half an hour later, I was woken up by Jackson, the bigger dog, snarling and barking so ferociously, that I assumed someone was in the house- but he was just outside my door.

square headed doofus or ferocious bad-guy getter

 He'd be downstairs if someone was in the house, right?  He quieted down, and I heard him go downstairs, so armed with heavy scissors, I followed him down. There was no one there, of course, but the dogs were begging to go outside.  Until very recently, I lived in a world where you don't open the door after dark for any reason whatsoever, so being still vaguely in that state of mind, I told them tough luck, and went back to bed.  A few minutes later, he was back outside my door, barking as if someone were trying to come in the tiny window that overlooks a small roof over hang on the landing outside my room. I opened the door to find him lunging up at the window and  two raccoons that had their faces pressed up against it, looking in.

hey kids wanna buy some weed

 I made direct and prolonged eye contact with one of them, and was only able to get them to leave by banging on the window, after which they ambled away, disinterested and completely unafraid of this massive dog and totally non-threatening human.

Seems I have traded drug-dealing hoarders and neighborhood kids who set off fireworks in dry grass for raccoons, who, if they had opposable thumbs, I think would probably also set fireworks off in dry grass and deal drugs.