Great Googly Moogly

I had to take three showers today.

First was the usual, run of the mill, not be disgusting shower. 

Since I'm moving in less than two weeks and am up to here with my roommate's craziness, I was planning on getting a jumpstart on packing so I will be READY when the day comes.  When I first moved in, I made sure to save all my boxes so I could use them to repack. They've been stored in the dark, spooky garage for the past two years, and I've expected them to have some spider activity because it's a spooky garage. I have been unable to get the street side garage door to open, which put a damper in my plans to access the garage from the street to give myself a wide berth to flee if any spider activity does happen. Also, then I can just pull my junk into the street and smash any spiders out in the open.  I also can't get to the inside of the door, because it's blocked by boxes. I decided to just start pulling boxes out through the crowded backyard enterance, go through them in the backyard, and be able to access my saved boxes that way. I made pretty good progress, pulling out four or five boxes, plus a big tub of fabric, inspected all boxes for spiders and threw away or put into a donate pile a fair amount of stuff. It's hot as hell today, and I decided to take a quick second shower to not be sweaty.

Then, as I was putting a few of my blankets into the wash in the garage, I noticed one more box kind of out in the open in the garage that I for some reason decided to haul out and go through.

I inspected the outside of the box for spiders, and it was safe, so I hauled it into the back yard to see what it was. The top flaps were pretty tight, so I used the handle of the broom to lift open the flaps, just in case. Lo and behold. there was a spider. But not just any spider. A black widow and her zillions of babies.

Mother.
Fucker.

I  left the box where it was and went to the hardware store (but not before immediately changing all my clothes. I knew I had nothing on me, but goddamn it, oogly boogly spiders were everywhere in my head) and bought a roach/spider/wasp spray to try and eliminate the offender. I no longer cared about what was in the box (It was some books, and some other stuff, I'm not sure. I didn't inspect further). When I returned, a wind had picked up, so everytime I tried to spray, I was hit with the blowback.  The spider was right where I left it, but when I opened the flap with the broom handle to get it, it shabba-do'd right on out of there and down the outside of the box where I couldn't see it. I sprayed the shit out of the tiny baby spiders before finally kicking the box on its side to find the adult. It was no where. I stood back like, what the hell do I do now, when suddenly it appeared, trying to make a break for the wall of the garage. I sprayed the shit out of it, but it kept going. Finally it stopped, and I sprayed it until it was white with goo, hoping that it was finally  done for. After about ten seconds, it reanimated and busted ass up to the side of the garage. The spray was not "killing on contact" like it promised, so I smashed at it with the broom. And it disappeared.  Gone. Not in the broom, anywhere.

I hightailed it back into the house and had to take a third hosing, to wash off the bug killer and the imaginary giant spiders I assumed were now crawling all over me.


I'm certainly hoping that that spider is dead. I mean it was drenched in poison. And  also all of it's babies.  But tomorrow, I have  a locksmith coming to open the garage door street-side for me so I can have access to my things and quadruple-check everything for the rest of the spiders' family.  It is safe to say I am not looking forward to it.

Also now, I'm super paranoid about them being in my room and bed. I know they're not. I know. But still. I've only dealt with them in super-rural areas with lots of woodpiles. I mean, it makes sense that they'd live in that garage. It's very dark, and this is the first time in almost two years anyone has moved anything around in there. I'm mainly concerned about the couch that's in there. That would be a perfect place for them to hide. UGHHH.